Payback
by LCTC
Summary: Sam gets what is coming to her and then some! :D
1. Payback's a Bitch!

**Payback's a Bitch! **

Summary: Um…Sam gets what is coming to her!

WARNING: It's my first fic EVER, so beware! …Not just my first Stargate fic or first Sam and Jack fic, but my first time writing ANYTHING for the pure hell of it.

SHOUT OUT TO SU: I would like to give a HUGE shout out to Su for editing this story! Couldn't have done it without her! hugs

Sam was PISSED! She couldn't believe what her husband had done. I mean, he had done a lot of stupid things, but this topped them all. Sometimes she just didn't understand how she fell in love with such an ass! He was a sarcastic, incorrigible, sly PAIN IN HER ASS!

There she sat, in front of her blank television set, pissed as hell, waiting for Jack to get home so she could KILL HIM! She knew she deserved it after how their anniversary weekend had turned out, but the fact that she fell right into his trap just made her that much madder. It had been almost a month ago since their anniversary weekend, and she was beginning to wonder if he had forgotten. 'Should have known better Sam,' she chided herself.

Sam had been completely blindsided. She had to admit that his plan was genius. He must have put a lot of thought and effort into it, and gotten help from his buddy Thor too. It must have taken him weeks to plan. The fact that she hadn't noticed anything suspicious about his behavior at the time bugged her. Even now as she thought back to the last couple of weeks, she couldn't think of any occasion where Jack acted out of the ordinary. She knew Jack could hold a grudge, so she really shouldn't be that surprised by what he had done. But she was…and she was PISSED!

Flashback to their Anniversary Weekend

'God I love this man,' Sam thought to herself. She was currently spooned in Jack's arms, simply taking in his scent, thoroughly enjoying the feel of his lips on her ear, then jaw…neck…jaw again…and finally lips!

As she shifted her body to face him and take things further, the phone rang. Sam whimpered as Jack broke away. He was mumbling something about killing whoever was interrupting their anniversary 'celebration' while reaching over for the phone.

"Hello?" Jack answered sounding very agitated. He was soooo not a happy camper right now. As he heard his little girl's shaky voice on the other end, he sat up in the bed.

"Daddy, I wanna come home. Can you please come pick me up?" said Kayla, sounding as if she had been crying.

"Honey, what happened?" Jack asked, successfully hiding the frustration he felt at the moment. 'Isn't she supposed to be at what's her names house for a sleepover having tons of fun while I do the same with Sam?' thought Jack as he listened to her ramble on. As he checked the clock, he noticed that only a little over an hour had passed since Kayla left. 'For Pete's sake, what could possibly have happened in one freakin' hour!'

"Me and Traci got in a huge fight. She told me it was my fault that Johnny was mad at us, but she was the one who…" She continued to tell Jack why she and Traci were no longer speaking to each other. Jack couldn't believe a seven year old could have so many problems. Traci was Kayla's best friend for years, yet they seem to 'break-up' and then 'make-up' like every other day! He just didn't understand it, and thought he probably never would. Women!

So…Jack had to go pick her up. This was the third time in the past month Kayla had to be picked up from Traci's house because of some pesky fight. 'And it was all Sam's fault!' thought Jack. 'I set the whole weekend up. Kayla and Jonathon were going to spend the entire weekend with Daniel and Janet.' Jonathon wouldn't be much trouble because he was only 3. Daniel and Janet had their hands full with their 5 year old son, Jason. However, they were more than willing to take in two more because it was Jack and Sam's 8th anniversary.

But nooooo…Kayla just HAD to stay at Traci's this weekend because Traci was going on vacation the following week and they wouldn't see each other again for like…ever! 'God,' Jack thought, 'it was just a week…ONE week.' Kayla would get over it so Jack had said no…which, to Kayla, meant to go ask mom. Jack knew that's where the little squirt had headed, but figured Sam would of course say the same. Sam knew that Jack wanted this weekend to be perfect. He had set it all up, and Sam already knew his plans for the kids.

Not two minutes after Kayla got turned down by Jack she went running back into the kitchen saying that mom said she could go to Traci's. Kayla didn't even give Jack time to respond before she grabbed the phone and started to dial up Traci to tell her the good news. Jack was stunned. He couldn't believe Sam had actually agreed to let Kayla go…'is she trying to kill me?' he thought to himself. Knowing she would be hiding, he let out a frustrated sigh as he got up to find his wife and kill her!

As soon as she heard the door opening, she pulled the covers over her head and feigned sleep. She knew he saw her movement, therefore wouldn't believe she was asleep, but she didn't really care. Anything that would postpone the upcoming 'conversation,' for even the slightest amount of time was worth a try. She would just lie still and be silent, while keeping her death grip on the bed-sheet until he gave up.

As mad as he was at her, he couldn't help but smile at her cowering under the covers. He jumped on the bed next to her, and scooted up right behind her, spooning her to his body. He wrapped one arm around her waist stroking her stomach his hand, while his other hand reached up to pull the sheet off. 'Damn the woman is strong,' he thought as he tugged at the sheet, but failed to get it away from her. He then dropped his face to her neck (the sheet of course blocking his path), and groaned. He began to mumble in between groans. "Sam…why...Sam…honey…are you trying to kill me…"

She couldn't take it any more. His hand kept stroking her stomach and he'd been mumbling and groaning into her neck for over 5 minutes now. 'Does he have any idea how aroused he is making me?' Sam thought. She had to put a stop to his torture.

"Jack, honey, I am sooo sorry," Sam said as she pulled the sheet down and turned over to face him, hoping like hell it would put a stop to his hand. "I just couldn't say no to her pleading eyes. It's not my fault Kayla has your gorgeous brown eyes; how do you expect me to say no to them?" Sam pouted. "But it's not that bad. She will be at Traci's, while Janet and Daniel take Jonathon. So we will still have the house all to ourselves. Please don't be mad."

'Okay, it's been five minutes, and he still hasn't spoken or moved,' Sam thought. 'This can't be good sign. Though, it beats him yelling and screaming at me…or does it?'

As if sensing Sam's paranoia, Jack finally spoke. "Sam, I love you sooo much. All I wanted was to have this one weekend to ourselves with no interruptions. I am not mad at you. I just get the feeling that things are going to go very wrong, and my plans for us will be squashed. I want you all to myself this weekend," he stopped to give her a sensual, breathtaking kiss, "and I just have a bad feeling that it is sooo not gonna happen now. So when things do go wrong, which they will, I am holding you personally accountable. I have already thought of several ways to punish you. That's all I'm saying Sam."

"Fine, I will take full responsibility IF anything goes wrong this weekend…but nothing will. So you can think of all sorts of horrible ways to pay me back, but that's all they will be…thoughts!" Sam said as she turned to look him in the eyes, and gave Jack her mega-watt smile…silencing him with a passion filled kiss.

End Flashback

'Damn the man all to hell. Why did he have to be right?' thought Sam. Things had gone all wrong that weekend. Jack had to bring Kayla home not two hours after she left home. Kayla ran crying to her room, and locked the door. Jack had of course left Sam to tend to Kayla, while he went to watch some T.V. Sam couldn't argue with him because it was in fact her fault that this happened. So she had to listen to Kayla rattle on for two hours before she finally calmed down and went to sleep. Sam then called Janet and made plans for her to pick Kayla up in the morning, and stay with her and Daniel, hoping to salvage the rest of the weekend.

Jack had calmed down a bit at the prospect of having a day and a half to 'celebrate' on their own come tomorrow morning. Sam remembered him whispering sweet nothings into her ear that night, and then going into detail as to how he was going to make up for lost time when they finally get the house to themselves. Sam was sooo looking forward to it, thinking at the time that she was getting off easy for putting a damper in his plans. 'If only things hadn't gone from bad to worse the following day,' Sam thought to herself.

Flashback

Kayla had gotten up before her parents. She knew it was their anniversary today, and thought she would do something special for them. She got started on planning the WHOLE day out. First off, breakfast in bed.

The only thing Kayla could make by herself was cereal. Kayla decided to add whatever she could find to make it more special. Toppings consisted of strawberries, sugar, whipped cream and cherries; were it not for the salt, pepper and hot sauce, the cornflakes would have been quite appetizing. Kayla put the bowl of cereal on the tray, along with the glass of orange juice she poured, and headed up to her parent's bedroom.

She had to set the tray on the ground in order to knock on the door and open it, spilling a little of the juice in the process. She picked up the tray and walked into the room to the end of the bed. She set the tray down on the bed, and smiled shyly at her parents announcing "Happy Anniversary." Jack and Sam smiled brightly in return knowing their daughter needed the reassurance. They knew Kayla must have made a huge mess, but were so moved by her sentiment. Kayla then rambled on about how spending time with them was going to be a lot more fun than being at Traci's; and that she had the whole day planned out. She decided to take them to the zoo…her treat. Jack couldn't help but laugh out loud at that, for which he got an elbow in the ribs from Sam. Kayla didn't even seem to notice as she kept on about her plans for going out to a fancy restaurant afterwards.

Not wanting to hurt Kayla's feelings, they both smiled, while Sam spoke up. "That would be wonderful honey. You go take a bath and get changed, and then we will head out, ok."

Kayla got so excited, and jumped up on the bed between them (almost knocking over the tray she had set at the foot of the bed). She gave them each a hug and a kiss shouting "I love you mommy, I love you daddy!" as she ran off to get ready.

As soon as Kayla left, both Sam and Jack sank back into bed and groaned. Sam couldn't believe this was happening, and the fact that it was her fault made her feel that much worse. All she had to do was tell Kayla that she had to stay with Aunt Janet and Uncle Daniel for the weekend, and NONE of this would have happened. 'And the worst is still to come,' thought Sam. She KNEW without a doubt that Jack would get her back for ruining their weekend.

End Flashback

Narration by Sam

And damn him, because what he had done to get me back was sooo childish, and sooo Jack. I still can't believe I fell so easily into his trap! He had set me up this morning before he left. He had me adhering to things that I now know were guidelines and rules. Here I was thinking Jack was being such a sweetheart, giving me a day to myself to relax. He left this morning with specific instructions for me to find something to do IN the house. I had promised him I would to which he responded with a grin on his face and a twinkle in his eye. Little did I know what I was actually promising at the time.

I figured I would relax for a while and catch up on my soaps- a guilty pleasure of mine, which Jack constantly makes fun of me for. Then I would read for a while, take a nice warm bubble bath, maybe do some cleaning, and possibly catch up on some work. None of which was possible, and all because of Jack!

What exactly did he do you ask? I'll tell you. He had me trapped in the house with no kids, no computer, no reading material, no television, no hot water, and no him!

Oh, there was a television there, but with no remote. The only buttons that worked on the actual television set were the power and volume. So the only channel I could watch was FOX; and GUESS what just HAPPENED to be on…a Simpson's marathon!

I actually found it amusing…that is until I found out what else he had done. He had somehow managed to get rid of EVERY single tape and DVD that was not Simpson's related.

Just go to the store and rent a movie you say? Well, I can't! The closest shop is 10 miles away, and the damn man left me with no vehicle! No car, no motorcycle…not even a bicycle or rollerblades! He is an ASS!

Call Janet or someone to help you say? Well, I can't do that either! He got rid of all our house phones…and somehow managed to rig my cell phone so I could only call him…I couldn't even call 911! Trust me, I tried. I swear he must have had Thor help him with all of this. Thor must have beamed a whole load of stuff out of our house just as Jack left this morning because it was all there the night before. Thor must also be messing with the phone because even I can't fix it, which is saying a lot. Did I mention that the man is an ASS!

Sure, I could go to one of the neighbor's houses to use the phone, or go for a stroll in the park, but I won't. Jack knows it, and I know it. Damn him! This was his little game, and I had to play by the rules. All my resources would have to come from inside the house, and I would have to spend the majority of my time IN the house. So that meant no strolls in the park or any other outdoor relaxing activities. Damn him!

I began to notice the pattern, and wasn't surprised to see no trace of any computers in the house. So I decided to just settle in and read a book instead…only I couldn't! Why you ask? Because Jack somehow got rid of all my books as well as all other reading material in the house. And I mean ALL of it. I even checked our kid's room to see what I could find (as desperate as that sounds) and found absolutely nothing to read. 'Jackass!'

Since I couldn't relax reading a book, I figured I would do so by taking a nice long warm bath…only to discover that we have NO hot water! I even thought about heating water on the stove…only to discover the stove was gone! Now I KNEW Thor was in on it too! They were both going to pay!

Guess what else he did? And I know he did this to REALLY get under my skin. He had the ENTIRE freakin' house spotless! I couldn't even resort to cleaning. 'The man knows me too damn well!'

So my options pretty much consisted of watching the Simpson's, sleeping, or doing nothing. I wasn't tired, and I hate the Simpson's, which only left…nothing!

So here I now sit. It is currently 6:30 at night. He left at 6 this morning, and said he would be gone for at least 12 hours. I spent the first couple hours figuring out the game. Then I attempted to take things apart and put them back together (the television, cell phone, etc…) in an attempt to fix them. No such luck! I came to the realization that I could not undo whatever it is he had done (or gotten Thor to do).

At about 3 o'clock, I had finally found something to do. It brought a smile to my face that I finally found something that Jack forgot! …The photo albums! I spotted them while I was searching through all the cabinets looking for something to do. As I sat down on the couch, setting the photo albums next to me, I couldn't help but smile at the fact that Jack had missed something. I had finally found something to do! …Only to open the first album with a note from Jack posted right at the front:

_My dearest Sam,_

_I know you thought I missed the albums, but I didn't. The memories we have made together are something I would never ever take away from you…even for a day. I love you with all my heart, and hope I live to share many more happy memories with you and the kids._

_All my love,_

_Jack_

Damn him! How can he be so romantic, while being a complete ass at the same time!

At least the photo albums had killed a couple hours. However, it would have been far more pleasing if Jack had been there with me to look through them all. We have definitely had a great life together, and it only seemed to be getting better…well, except for the fact that I wanted him dead at the moment.

I know he will be home soon, and I can't wait. I am pissed as hell, but right now I just need something to do! Anything! And I couldn't care less if that consists of yelling at Jack or jumping his bones. Both sound equally appealing at the moment.

Narration by Jack

There she sat. Feet on the ground, hands folded in her lap, starring straight ahead at the blank television screen. I couldn't help but laugh as she turned her head to look at me.

And boy was she pissed…if looks could kill I would sooo be six feet under right now! I left the kids with Daniel and Janet knowing Sam's reaction would not be suitable for the kids. I was both dreading and looking forward to finally seeing Sam's reaction. Thor had promised to tape the whole thing for me so I could see Sam's reaction, and what she ended up doing the whole time I was gone. Though I don't think now is the time to mention that…maybe not ever!

She could be pissed all she wanted, but it is payback time & she knows it, so I am not too worried about the repercussions. It took a lot of planning and hard work for my plan to work. I had to get a hold of Thor and enlist his help, as well as getting Sam to fall for it. And it was sooo worth the effort if only for the lost/pissed as hell look on her face.

I had even thought of what to say ahead of time. I mean, sure this is payback for our ruined anniversary weekend (which I had planned out to the tee!), but it is also my FAVORITE holiday today, which Sam probably hasn't even figured out yet…which makes what I am about to say that much sweeter…

"HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY SAM!"

THE END!

Feed me please  …or not, your choice! Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it 

…and seeing as it was my first fic EVER, please cut me some slack lol


	2. Payback Really is a Bitch!

**Payback Really is a Bitch! **

It was late…around 9:30 pm.

General Hammond was finishing up with the last of the paperwork for the day when Thor beamed into his office. The Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet had informed him that there was a situation which required the General's presence. Thor needed to meet with him, as well as the members of SG-1, and Janet Frasier. And since Jacob Carter happened to be on Earth, Thor felt Jacob's presence would be most pleasing. Thor also made it clear that no one else was to be informed of the meeting as of yet.

Hammond rounded up Teal'c and Jacob in no time since they were on base, while Thor insisted on informing the others, and bringing them in. Hammond had made no objections knowing Thor could get them there much faster.

9:45pm

Hammond, Teal'c and Jacob were all gathered in the briefing room discussing various scenarios as to why the meeting was called.

Thor beamed in with Daniel and Janet, both looking shocked and confused.

Before anyone could get a question out, Thor spoke. He informed Daniel and Janet that the children were in good hands. This both relieved and scared them because they trusted Thor, but had absolutely no idea what he meant by that.

Thor had contacted Cassie earlier that day. At first she was mad that she was not invited to the meeting seeing as she was working at the SGC too. Thor then informed Cassie what was going to occur at the meeting. To which Cassie laughed uncontrollably. Once she calmed down a bit, she agreed to watch the kids, and repeatedly thanked Thor for not inviting her. She sooo did not want to see her Uncle Jack and Aunt Sam in THAT situation…ever!

Thor had only one more stop to make. He was keeping tabs on the situation with Samantha and O'Neill, and had to make sure the timing was perfect.

Earlier that night

Sam had skipped the arguing part, and went straight to the 'jumping Jack's bones' part. Sure she was pissed, but more so at herself than at Jack. She decided that the score was settled, and she would leave it at that…for now. Besides, the man looked so God damn irresistible. And if Sam were totally honest with herself, she found Jack sexy as hell for pulling off his little stunt.

She had taken Jack right against the door, and fucked his brains out. She knew his knees would hurt like hell, but figured she could use the excuse that he deserved it.

After their heated encounter at the door, Jack carried Sam up to the bedroom. He planned on taking things a LOT slower. And truth be told…his knees were killing him. How he even managed to carry Sam up the stairs after her 'attack' was beyond him.

Present time…Approximately 9:50 pm.

Jack was on top of Sam thrusting wildly, both of them on the brink of orgasmic bliss. Just as they closed their eyes, and were seconds away from getting release…Thor beamed them right onto the briefing room table!

The second they appeared, Sam screamed out Jack's name, which pushed Jack over the edge as well.

All conversation ceased upon Jack and Sam's 'arrival.' Shock doesn't even begin to describe the looks on everyone's faces…priceless!

Thor at least had the decency to beam in the mattress and sheets. Though, the sheet covering them wasn't covering much. The sheet hung low on Jack's hips, leaving very little to the imagination of everyone in the room.

Hammond, Daniel and Janet kept looking from the table to Thor…the table to Thor…Totally speechless, and unable to process anything.

Jacob couldn't take his eyes from the table. The second he saw them, it was like his brain ceased functioning properly. His body went completely numb, and the look on his face was a mixture of shock and confusion, with a little bit of anger mixed in.

Meanwhile, Jack and Sam were still oblivious to their new whereabouts. Neither could quite comprehend the feelings coursing through their bodies. It was unlike anything they had ever experienced before; apparently, being beamed while climaxing makes for an extremely pleasant experience.

It took a good thirty seconds for them to come back down to Earth. Sam was the first to open her eyes. She began to tell Jack how incredible that felt, but froze the second her eyes met the ceiling. She knew who was in the room without even looking around. Sam could feel the presence of Teal'c and Jacob, while catching glimpses of Daniel, Janet, Hammond and Thor without moving her eyes from the ceiling. For once, Sam couldn't think…at all. She clung to Jack for dear life, and just stared at the ceiling…her face expressionless.

Jack felt Sam stiffen and lifted his head, and was about to ask what was wrong. The second his eyes opened, there was no explanation needed. He looked around the briefing room, scanning as much of the area as his neck would allow. With Sam's death hold on him, he wasn't able to see everyone…but he certainly saw enough. Jack first saw Daniel and Janet…his mind reeling in the process wondering how the hell they wound up in the briefing room.

Jack was continuing with his thoughts while scanning the area, finding the situation very odd and almost humorous…when his eyes met those of Jacob Carter. All thoughts of the situation being humorous ceased…in fact, all thoughts ceased in general. Jack's eyes froze on Jacob for a while, and then looked down to Sam…then back up to Jacob.

The only thing Jack could process was that he was having sex with Jacob's little girl right in front of the man. Sure Jack had been married to Sam for over 8 years now, so it's not as if he was doing anything wrong, but Jack's brain wasn't functioning properly…nobody's brains were functioning properly!

Jack's first instinct was to get as far away from Sam (and Jacob for that matter) as humanly possible; and he tried to do just that.

However, Sam had a death grip on Jack, and had no intention of letting go any time in the near future. She was mortified, and still couldn't process anything other than clinging to her 'shield' Jack.

A minute, which seemed like a lifetime for everyone in the room, had passed without anyone uttering a single word.

Thor was the first to speak…"Happy April Fool's O'Neill!"…and with that Thor vanished!

THE END!

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! Feed me Please! 


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